in reminiscence of the good old times

i thought i had so happily left and i was happily arrived. i am in my homeland at this second, my home, Malaysia.

i was wrong for what i was feeling. i thought, i really for once and all i thought that i went away with that heavy heart. it was heavy but empty. so eager to start a new and the life that i always wanted. and i did it. i had all i ever wanted and all i ever wanted to feel for all my life. for the entire 4 and a half months that i had left home, i was on top of my life.

and when i thought i had moved on, everything had fallen into place. nicely fit into every single pieces, i happily bought the tickets back home for a short short 2 weeks. and for various reasons i have wanted to come back home for, i proved myself wrong, once again, for coming back. it all has came back to me now.. and i hated it. i despise it.

i open the folders i had longed to forget. i carefully stared into the pictures i use to look at. i look into the direction on the highway that i longed to forget how bad it used to feel like. surprisingly i could still feel the pain. how is that possible yea? while pushing that self forward, something deep down inside somehow wishes me to stay. that one step was hard to take perhaps.

i dont know why and i certainly hate it. but all that was in my head now was going back to that tiny little city of Oxford and continue my undone self-set future. back to Oxford continue moving forward and hopefully, the next time i came home and look back, things will be as what i thought it will be like. at least close to it. because as far as i know now, i am not even close.

besides my family that i love the most now, i have not want to come back here..

i begin to wonder, whether to come back for this once was the best decision of all. though, i am most happy the moment i saw my family. besides, i had been regretted.

i have to admit though, those that i barely recall, those that were dead long ago, are all coming back to me now. there were always something we know we would never ever do again. there were always things that you know it'd stay dead forever.

FML